INFJ: Self-Improvement

Do you ever get those days where you find yourself staring into space wondering, what am I doing with my life? You think about your current situation; how you got there and where you want to be. You sift through some alternate realities where you are happier: perhaps travelling, enjoying a new hobby or making time for yourself. Or you want to be healthier: exercising, eating healthy foods that taste great or spending more time looking inward (trying to become more at peace with yourself and mindful of the present moment).

If you are an INFJ, you know what I’m talking about. In some shape or form you find yourself living a life of assessing and reassessing. Reaching for more or better, trying to be the best you can be! Never escaping that nagging feeling that you just need to improve yourself a little bit more.

Don’t get me wrong – it can be great! In fact, it’s made you who you are today. You may have even tamed your nagging voice to work to your advantage: motivating you to live the life you’ve always dreamed! You may accomplish goals and feel satisfied with a job well done, as you rightfully should.

BUT for some it can be a nuisance. The nagging voice can say “you’re not good enough” or “you need to achieve more”. It can become an insatiable void that never gets filled. Some may start to live their lives trying to ignore or silence the voice that brings them down.

Don’t give up, there is hope!

As an INFJ and HSP (highly sensitive person) I can be intense, a perfectionist, have high standards for myself and others. I am also often looking to grow, evolve and improve myself. At times, the amount of improvements I want to make can get overwhelming and cause the opposite effect – avoiding it altogether.

To aid in following through and quieting the nagging voice I chose 5 ways to take control of your self-improvement:

1. Start a list

My go-to for most decisions. It helps me “get out of my head” and lay out my options on paper to feel in control. Try beginning with areas you want to improve and why (reasons help motivate change). Or make a pros and cons list to help you decide where to start.

2. Create S.M.A.R.T. goals

I learnt this little lovely during my child and youth care program. S – specific, M -measurable, A – attainable, R – realistic, T – time lined. It is important to use SMART goals to help you create achievable ones. Setting yourself up for failure is a sure fire way to avoid self-improvement. Break a big goal into mini goals to measure the progress you are making – and don’t forget to make a specific time line of what you want to complete (by when) to help you measure your progress and stay on track!

3. Rewards, rewards, REWARDS!

Dearest INFJ’s, you spend so much time working hard, helping others and improving yourselves that you forget to reward yourself. It is important to take a step back from our busy lives to replenish our energies and find some time for fun. So come up with a list (see step 1) of rewards that will motivate you. These don’t have to be expensive, in fact I encourage self-care rewards, whatever that might mean to you! This can be playing with pets, candlelit bubble baths, spending time in nature, taking time for yourself, etc. In fact, one of your goals may be taking more time for self-care! This is very much needed to aid us in living a healthy and happy life.

4. Make mistakes

Accept this, it will happen – we’re not perfect and that is okay! Laugh it off, give yourself permission to mess up. Don’t let it bring you down or stop you from trying. Acknowledge that in order to become the best version of yourself, there are going to be set backs, mistakes and moments where you feel like giving up. That’s okay, that’s life, do it anyway.

5. Have fun!

This is your life, you are the one that is living it! Ensure that you choose goals that interest you, the ones that will help you be the happiest and most fulfilled version of yourself. Smile and thank yourself for taking this time to be open to the opportunity for self-improvement that is meaningful to you, or for just being open to new ideas.

Feel like sharing?

I would love to hear about your journey with self-improvement! Be it your achievements, setbacks or works in progress. They all make up who we are. What helps you? What hinders you?

Share your stories friends.
With love, shine on. ♥

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26 thoughts on “INFJ: Self-Improvement

  1. Do’h, my comment got deleted, I think. Hope this doesn’t repeat. I definitely relate and find lists and goals are big helps. I also love books and how they inspire me, teach me, and change me. Songs and movies can do the same thing too.

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  2. This is exactly what I am going through in life and the way you have written it , I couldn’t have found a better place that worded out what I am going through at this moment. Really inspiring.

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    1. I’m glad my post was inspiring to you! Maybe we connected for a reason. 🙂 I love when my words resonate with a reader. If you ever feel like talking about what you are going through I’d be happy to listen.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words! Yes I agree, most people struggle with this at one point or another in their lives. I’m glad it was beneficial to you. 🙂 I will definately take a look at your blog!

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  3. Dear Ashley, I absolutely love your blog my friend. Your words are so true and descriptive. I can relate to all of these subjects and thoughts you write about. I’ve used the SMART goals previously and they are strongly recommended! However I find that A should be “attractive and one more letter is needed… something like S for “self-controllable”. But oh well that’s just my opinion. Thank you for your amazing blog posts, keep doing this, it’s very much appreciated!

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    1. Thank you so much! 🙂 Yes there can be a lot of different ways to write SMART goals but I chose to write them as I learnt them in my college program. 🙂 Feel free to subscribe, glad you enjoyed it!

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  4. You’re a great writer, Ashley! Your words are very inspiring and the best part is that I can totally identify with them :).
    And as an INFJ myself, I totally agree on making lists… that’s how I’m able to organize my thoughts ;). But sometimes it’s hard to actually put some ideas into practice despite knowing that I should.

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    1. Julia thank you so much for the wonderful comment – I love it! I an really happy that you found my words inspiring, I think this may be a purpose of mine, for people to be inspired by me. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

      I agree, it can be so difficult to put the plan to action despite all of the positives, I have this problem as well. I am wanting to work on it. I laugh at myself sometimes that it is so silly I do not do things that could benefit me!!:)

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      1. It’s a struggle for me too. I’ve found that a daily meditation practice of 10-20mins helps, along with a practice of gratitude that adds in appreciating yourself for the choice you’ve made during the day/throughout your life 😀

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  5. I’m an INFJ, and I’m so big on self-improvement and pushing myself to always become better. On the bright side, that has helped me excel in school and stay at the top of my class. It helps me at work to go above and beyond in tight deadlines. On the downside, I forget about taking care of myself mentally and emotionally to the point where I need to escape and decompress. So taking time for myself and finding rewards for jobs well done is what I need to work on. Luckily my down-to-earth and stable boyfriend has been great at reminding me to set boundaries for what others get to expect from me, and I am now learning to find the balance I need.

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    1. As I was reading your comment I felt as though I wrote it myself because self-improvement has impacted me the exact same way. I am glad your boyfriend can have a positive impact on you! 🙂 What are some of your favourite things to do to take care of yourself?

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      1. I’ve learned to make myself take “me time” in the form of maybe a relaxing bath with some wine, scheduling a massage, and oddly enough…talking to myself. When I get overwhelmed, I will speak out loud what the priority is and what comes after that, and so on. I try to care for myself in the same way I care for others because I realized that I was so excellent at caring for others. My mantra has become to take care of myself so that I am best able to care for others.

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