Reflection #9: Hello, 2018!

Hello friends, it has been a year since my last post and two years since I created INFJash. The last time I wrote to you, I created a list of five special experiences from 2016 and five goals for 2017. I would like to share again today, but first must apologize for my absence. The past year was very busy and required intense focus on my immediate challenges. In what felt like the fleeting moments that I had a break, I tried to slow time by seeking out fulfilling experiences that demanded I focus on the present moment.

As 2017 came to a close and I accomplished my challenges, I reflected on the year with a desire to slow down and make the most of my free moments. Having my mental health put to the test through a year full of stress, demanding deadlines, anxiety, self-defeating thoughts and panic attacks has created a passionate drive for how I want 2018 to unfold.

As many of us know, when a person seeks wellness they need to look at multiple dimensions including: physical, mental, social, spiritual, emotional, and many more. My overarching goal for 2018 is to focus on creating a better awareness of my level of wellness and strengthening it. Though 2017 depleted me greatly, there were many special moments. Some of these special moments were the completion of 2017’s goals!

Five Special Experiences of 2017:

1. My partner and I found a wonderful apartment to live in.
2. I spent a beautiful autumn day in Pembina Valley ziplining with my mom.
3. I experienced many wonderful moments visiting with my family and friends.
4. I started a bullet journal and am exploring my creativity.
5. I successfully completed my Bachelor of Human Ecology Degree majoring in Family Social Sciences.

Five Goals for 2018:

1. Post more on INFJash.
2. Read for fun.
3. Travel somewhere, anywhere.
4. Complete Yoga with Adriene’s TRUE: 30 day yoga journey.
5. Increase my wellness.

It is important to realize that you do not need the beginning of a year to create goals and make changes to increase your wellness. You are in control of your life and you can begin new practices or stop old routines whenever you decide. Sometimes the start of a year can feel like a clean break, a fresh start; but it is not necessary.

Stop, reflect, decide – how do you want your 2018 to unfold? If you ever struggle with making goals that you do not completing, take a look at my post on S.M.A.R.T. goals! Remember: “allow yourself to be a beginner, no one starts off being excellent”.

With love, my friends – be kind, be well, be you.
Shine on. ♥

Reflection #6: Guilt

Guilt is such an interesting feeling. It can really change the way you look at and feel about life. Sometimes it can even affect the decisions you make. For me, guilt is something that creeps into my life daily. I am a dedicated person, I put my heart and soul into everything I do. Yet I let guilt control my life.

Right now I am in my third year of University and it’s been overwhelming to say the least. I try to accomplish coursework all day so that I have time to relax and have fun. But it never comes, the work never ends. It can get so overwhelming, the sheer volume of work to accomplish, that I find myself sitting on the floor. I stare into space and zone out. Sometimes I can’t move for 20 minutes. I feel immobilized. Eventually I force myself up and get back to work. It’s been a struggle.

I find myself longing to do simple things. I want to go visit my friends and family, read a book, write in my blog or even go for a walk. I have to ask myself: why is it like this? Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I pretend to have it all together and power through the day, just to do it all again tomorrow? It shouldn’t be so consuming. I enjoy what I am learning. When I graduate with my degree, no one will look at my grades. Why am I trying so hard?

It’s me. It’s who I am. I give it all and I never give up. I pretend I’m not weak. I don’t ask for help. I am a tyrant to my being, and no one knows it but me.

It needs to stop. I know that my mind, body and soul are precious – but my actions don’t show it. I know I need to protect, encourage and love them. Why don’t I? I don’t have the answer, but I want to find a solution.

If you’re like me and sacrifice your wellness, telling yourself that it’s for the best or that you’ll take a break when you’re done… admit it. You never let yourself be done. At least not for long, then you throw yourself right back into the chaos.

This pattern feels impenetrable, but I don’t want to live this way. I want to enjoy every day. I want to embrace self-care. I don’t want to feel guilty anymore for craving it. I want to feel whole and satisfied. Not an empty shell that will crumble at the first setback. We can have this. We can be this. We deserve it. If we are just brave enough to let ourselves.

Try this with me? We don’t have to struggle. We don’t have to go it alone. No matter what your demons are, you deserve to be happy. Share your struggles, share your triumphs. We are in this together.

With love, friends.♥